Today we ran the Susan G Komen 5K in Dallas. We've run quite a few races but none of them could even compare with this race. If you're looking for a running race, this probably isn't the one for you. I did feel slightly bad for a client that ran it as her first 5K ever, but I hope the overall experience for her was one that she will always remember.
As I found myself running by myself, behind the group that I had helped organize and trained to get there- I couldn't help but remember how much I had distanced myself from breast cancer awareness throughout the past years.
It was too hard to face as a kid- losing an amazing Aunt to breast cancer mixed with being relieved to see a dad that had been deployed overseas but got to come home because something awful happened. It was such a mess in my mind at the time. And then saying goodbye to him again. Not because the pain was over, but the days had passed and it was time to go back. Nothing was okay about what was happening in my 15 year old brain, but I didn't know how to process it then.
I've been working hard to face problems lately and trying to get to the root of them instead of burying them deep within my soul only to have them brought back up years later. In the middle of running, I could feel it- the tears and pain were a little overwhelming. I knew I had signed up for this race for a hidden reason. I needed to feel something bigger than myself. And I certainly did.
My only reason for writing any of this down is so that I can remember how I felt today. It wasn't like a normal 5K that I'm used to training for. It was so much more. I felt my eyes opened to my surroundings that even when I feel like there's so much out of place right now, I'm so blessed. I hope I remember the feeling of looking around and seeing what hope actually looks like. I had lost the hope for so long when it came to cancer and didn't realize how much I needed the glimpse of hope back in my life.
